When I am Queen you all will see the Patron Saint of self-injury...

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 08:16:34 GMT

Happy new year everyone!

I hope 2008 is a great one for everyone, i'm so excited to see what 08 has in store for me, it has to be a good one cos 07 was definitely one of the worst ones ever!

It's started off well, I have a new boyfriend who i'm absolutely crazy about, i just hope it stays this good!! <3

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 01:22:57 GMT

2007 is going to go down as an extremely memorable year for me, not really for good things either.

I just want this year over with to be honest.

Today was just unbelievable.

I have 2 brothers and a sister =|

I have considered myself an only child for my entire 24.5 years so this is a massive massive shock.

I've always considered the fact I may have siblings out there somewhere as I don't know my real father, but today I found out that I definitely do. I don't know anything about my brothers as my real father - David went through a messy divorce with their mum and has no contact with them.

However my sister (half sister? Whatever) is 16, she's called Amy and she's been told all about me and really really wants to meet me.

Im finding this all SO weird.

It's awesome because i've always wanted a little sister. Having a sibling would be amazing. I just feel excited about it.

BUT it's bad because David wants to see me too...I don't think I want to see him. Y'know, he's never been there for me my entire life, my stepdad is the one who's always been there for me and I consider him to be my Daddy :) We're super close and if I were to go meet David it would break his heart (he's told me a few times when drunk that his biggest fear is me going to find David and then not needing him anymore, this would NEVER EVER happen, Cormac - stepdad, is my world, I adore him and i'm such a daddy's girl haha!) And I wouldn't want to hurt him in any way.

I'm going to tell him about all this and see what he says.

This all came about from getting back in touch with my Aunty Kay (David's sister) she let him know I was back in touch with her and he's now decided he wants to see me.

I'm dying to see Kay, it's been about 13 years and she was always the most amazing woman, i loved her so much so seeing her again would be great! And she has a little boy now, I don't know how to spell his name lol, but it's pronounced 'ee-lie' it might be spelt similar, idk. She lives up in Scotland now so I might go up and see her or she's going to try and come down to my Mum's place in Cornwall and i'll go there and see her.

I think my plan is as follows:
Explain all to my stepdad.
Speak to Kay.
Arrange to see her and the baby sometime.
Talk to her about my sister.
Then take it from there.
=/

I've spent the past few days thinking about this past year, particularly about my abortion and I actually wonder if I really did the wrong thing.
All this family business is just making me think about it all the more and it's just upsetting me a lot.
I know I can't change it but it's really getting to me.

I need a break. I need to go to my mum's and just spend some time talking with her, I just can't stop crying at the moment. I'm aiming to get down there in November for a few days, it's so peaceful there.

Oh and i'm moving house on Wednesday, found a place in Tottenham.

Life is so fucking stressful at the moment. I just need everything to stop a while but it's not going to happen.

Scuse the emo post.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:56:29 GMT

Haha this has had me and several friends in bits, fruitloop lol

Saw Superbad last night!! ohmygodfunniestfilmever!!

"my back is on my cock"
&
"I got a boner!"

Just 2 lines that had me in stitches, seriously Alexa and I were howling and crying with laughter lmfao, go see it! It's so a boy film but it's funny as.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 15:17:09 GMT

I haven't cut in ten months and have rarely felt the urge, despite the events of the summer when, if it were to happen it would have happened.
For this I am very proud of myself and threw away my blades last night.
: )

Faithlesstonightfaithlesstonightfaithlesstonight!!
*explodes from overexcitement*

~Just below my skin i'm screaming~

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:20:24 GMT

And when I hear this played live on Monday i might go a bit crazy <3

Tuuuuuuuuuuuune! Quite :)

Takes me back to the Friday nights of Peach at The Camden Palace (Now KOKO) and getting fucked up on pills and dancing like a fool every week hahaha them were the days!

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 02:43:16 GMT

Can I rewind to this exact moment please?

Life was actually pretty fucking amazing at that exact moment <3

Just watching that takes me right back, to where I was standing, how amazing I felt to be a part of that, how happy and carefree I felt at that moment. It gives me goosebumps watching it. I love it.

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 01:18:44 GMT

6 a.m. Christmas morning.
No shadows,
No reflections here.
Lying cheek to cheek
In your cold embrace.

So soft and so tragic
As a slaughterhouse.
You press the knife
Against your heart.
And say,
"I love you, so much you must kill me now."

I love you
So much
You must kill me now.

If I was your vampire,
Certain as the moon,
Instead of killing time,
We'll have each other
Until the sun.
If I was your vampire,
Death waits for no one.
Hold my hands
Across your face,
Because I think
Our time has come.

Digging your smile apart
With my spade-tounge.
The hole is where the heart is.
We built this tomb together,
And I won't fill it alone.
Beyond the pale
Everything is black,
No turning back.

If I was your vampire,
Certain as the moon,
Instead of killing time,
We'll have each other
Until the sun.

If I was your vampire,
Death waits for no one.
Hold my hands
Across your face,
Because I think
Our time has come

Blood-stained sheets
In the shape of your heart,
This is where it starts...
Blood-stained sheets
In the shape of your heart,
This is where it starts.
This is where it will end.
Here comes the moon again.

6:19 and I know I'm ready
Drive me off the mountain.
You'll burn,
I'll eat your ashes.
The impossible wheels seducing
Our corpse.

If I was your vampire,
Certain as the moon,
Instead of killing time,
We'll have each other
Until the sun.
If I was your vampire
Death waits for no one.
Hold my hands
Across your face
Because I think
Our time has come.

Beyond the pale
Everything is black
No turning back.
Beyond the pale
Everything's black
No turning back.

This is where it starts.
This is where it will end.
Here comes the moon again.

This is where it starts.
This is where it will end.
Here comes the moon again.

Here comes the moon again

Here comes the moon again

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 03:22:22 GMT

Oh oh and I forgot, Saw 4?!?!

I didn't know they were making it!! It best be as good as the others and not just cashing in on the name...I mean, Jigsaw and Amanda are dead....so how are they gonna do it? I dunno....but it best be damn good, that's all I have to say...I've seen a clip, it looks interesting...

October 26th it's out, cinema trip anyone?

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 00:48:09 GMT

Yay for immense amounts of gigs coming up =D
- August 17th, ARCH ENEMY @ The Camden Barfly (WOOHOO!!)
- August 21st, The Living End @ The Electric Ballroom in Camden
- August 22nd, DECAYDANCE FEST !!!!!! @ The Hammersmith Apollo (fall out boy AND gym class heroes AND panic at the fucking disco, hell yeah! Excuse my inner emo showing itself lol)
- September 10th, Faithless @ The Shepherds Bush Empire (I am so excited about this! I've loved them for years but never got to see them!)
- September 18th, Hell On Earth tour!! Walls Of Jericho, All Shall Perish, Born From Pain!! @ The Islington Academy (eeeeeeee WOJ! EEEEEEEEEE!!!! ASP!! ASP are just amazingness, they supported Bleeding Through back in Feb)
- December 5th, The one & only MARILYN MANSON @ Wembley Arena (My 3rd time seeing him <3)
- December 6th, HATEBREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!! @ The Kentish Town Forum (Ohhh yes, about the millionth time i'll have seen them but they always fucking rule live & they make me feel all RARGH, yes that is a way of feeling! And yeah, cannot waaaaait!)

Those are the ones I have tickets for currently, there's loooads of others I want to go to but have to see how my funds are and all that.

Anyone going to any of those? If so I shall most likely be seeing you there! At the moment I am going to the Hell On Earth tour on my lonesome....and i'm a lil scared haha, anyone wanna come with? It'll be fun! I promise!

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 12:16:01 GMT

Oh how I love this film : )

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:51:52 GMT

Not updated for a while, been super busy with work etc.

I'm off to Download in about an hour and a half =D

www.downloadfestival.co.uk <--- that's where i'll be til Monday!

I have no idea how to put my tent up tho...but it loosk pretty, it's pink and flowery! haha.

When I get back i'll do a proper update on everything!

Have a great week!

xXx

Sat, 12 May 2007 08:58:26 GMT

Joey came home =D

Yesterday morning around 7:30am he came wandering miaowing loudly waking me up, he was looking at me as if to say "what? where's my breakfast!" lol.

SO relieved, there's not a mark on him and you wouldn't think he'd been missing for 3 weeks, I can only assume someone adopted him, which pisses me off cos he has a silver sparkly collar on, so he clearly has a home, people should just him the fuck alone, he is mine haha.

But yes, he's fine and I am infinitely less stressed =)

ANDANDAND to also help with my mooooood:

Your Order Is Complete

emma, thanks for using Ticketmaster. Your order number is 23-52214/UK3

Qty	Event/Item	Venue:	Delivery
2	Download 07 Weekend with Camping Fri 8 Jun 2007 - Sun 10 Jun 2007	Donington Park Derby, UK	Secure Post - signature required *

WOOHOO I am booked and going to Downloooooooooad.

CAN'T.FUCKING.WAIT

xXx

Thu, 10 May 2007 16:12:16 GMT

Hahaha...it's just turning into one of those weeks where I have to laugh or else i'm just gonna cry....

So Rob & I broke up....in our brief (3-4 weeks?) time together he apparently managed to fall in love =| So i've broken his heart?...sure...We're still friends tho.

In return for me hurting him i've had my heart well and truly stomped on (karma? maybe...) There's a boy i'm crazy about and as soon as I got with Rob the other guy made it clear he liked me so it threw my head in a spin thus leading to me breaking up with Rob...since then the other guy has completely ignored me! Lovely...hurts like hell, i've been in love once in my life and my feelings for him came pretty close to that...so it's a bit shit at the moment, i'm no longer in the 'upset-mopey' phase but in the 'fuck you you cunt' phase, so i'm feeling a bit better. But am sad we're no longer friends cos I really miss his friendship and considered him one of my closest.

Had a ridiculous argument with a friend of mine <3 Amy <3 i'm sorry, i love you!

Burnt my arm at work and had the most gross blister...then it popped =| and i accidentally knocked it earlier and took a load of skin off it and stings like a bitch!

Went Doctor's, have to go for blood tests and stuff, not fun.

The kittens died, made me so sad, its stupid but I already felt attatched to them =/ And Joey is still not home =(

I ate fish by accident =| I'm really strict with my veggie-ness, i won't even drink anything with beta-carotene in it so to have been given a fishcake by mistake instead of a veggie burger, i wasn't happy! and it tasted naaaaaasty! LOL.

I got barred from my old work place for "threatening" Hadyn....thats just fucking hilarious to be honest, I was wetting myself with laughter! =D I didn't realise a personal issue between 2 people that took place via text messages and not even in the pub was reason enough to be barred. So yeah, remember that! Next time you go to text an ex to have a go at them, be careful where you do it! haha!

I wonder what the weekend has in store for me...

Wed, 09 May 2007 23:29:13 GMT

All of Joey and Shadow's kittens died =(

Shadow gave birth this morning but the kittens were all deformed and died soon after being born.

Apparently it's a genetic thing and both Joey and Shadow have to be neutered.

Poor kittens =(

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 02:18:22 GMT

please please please watch this:

Finally it's been released, the most beautiful song ever.

Made me bawl my eyes out.

~~~~~

Why is it when you get a boyfriend people suddenly decide to tell you that they like you? =S

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:54:03 GMT

How amazing is The Fray's album?!

I have had it in repeat for the past 3 days, it's so so beautiful!

*addicted*

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

You are so beautiful to me (repeat)

And for a giggle watch this video:

That there song is the song I was named after =/
Yeah, thanks Dad...
Embarrassing or what? At least I wasn't called Emmalene...I guess...

X

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 07:55:09 GMT

Amazing...
	Amazing... ...That's what Fall Out Boy were tonight! Absolutely amazing :\| Alexa and I had the best time ever! And I got a little bit emotional during 'Golden', cried a lil bit, bless Patrick singing by himself. Haha. Aaaand we sang the wrong words to 'Arms Race' =D "also into cats" Haha! And we had a little dance to 'Dance, Dance' hehe. And Dirty getting beat with a pool cue! "Motherfucking F-O-B!" Cobra Starship sucked majorly tho =/ Their singer just chatted so much crap. "Sugar you're going down!!" Even tho Pete says it every show it still makes me smiiiile =D They get better every time i see them, i never think that's possible but they do it again and again. Wanna go again right noooow! =D xXx

Amazing...

Amazing...

...That's what Fall Out Boy were tonight!

Absolutely amazing :|

Alexa and I had the best time ever!

And I got a little bit emotional during 'Golden', cried a lil bit, bless Patrick singing by himself. Haha.

Aaaand we sang the wrong words to 'Arms Race' =D "also into cats" Haha! And we had a little dance to 'Dance, Dance' hehe.

And Dirty getting beat with a pool cue! "Motherfucking F-O-B!"

Cobra Starship sucked majorly tho =/ Their singer just chatted so much crap.

"Sugar you're going down!!" Even tho Pete says it every show it still makes me smiiiile =D

They get better every time i see them, i never think that's possible but they do it again and again.

Wanna go again right noooow!

=D

xXx

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 15:12:54 GMT

Watch This!!
If you use MySpace then it'll be even funnier!
Gym Class Heroes are awesome <3

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 15:03:34 GMT

Thievery!!! =) tho i'm being greedy and having ten songs!

"List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

1. I Walk The Line - Johnny Cash
Because he was amazing. Because it reminds me of my nan cos she loved him. Because it reminds me of spending time with my Dad listening to Johnny Cash. Because it's an amazing song =)

2. Gold Digger - Kanye West
Because I like shaking my ass to it and because it reminds me of going to see Fall Out Boy in January cos it was played just before they came on =D

3. G.I.N.A.S.F.S - Fall Out Boy
Cos i fucking ADORE them and this song is just amazing:
"Things aren't the same anymore,
Sometimes it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone
Trade Baby Blues, for Wide-Eyed Browns
I sleep in your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes
I know its strange
It's a strange way of saying that i know I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you"

4. Live For This - Hatebreed
Because it's so uplifting and it inspired my tattoo and they rock so much, they're so positive, when I listen to this I feel I can do anything.

5. Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy
I'm just addicted to this song =| especially the "why don't you show me the little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress love" bit.
Me and Alexa always do the Patrick love heart bit when we hear that. Haha. If you know the video you'll know the bit I mean!

6. Love Lost In A Hail Of Gunfire - Bleeding Through
Eeeeeeeeee, this fucking band...seriously..."my heart belongs to you so save me"

7. Stupid Girls - Pink
Cos she rocks. End of. And the video is the best ever.

8. Stellar - Incubus
Because it's beautiful and it reminds me of a certain person in my life.

9. Clothes Off! - Gym Class Heroes
Cos it makes me grin and it's a sexy song! Go listen to this band, please =)

10. We Intertwined - The Hush Sound
Because it reminds me of the train journey going to see my Mum in February. I miss my Mum.

I tag whoever wishes to pass some time!

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 01:28:58 GMT

I haven't updated in aaaages....I apologise...

My new job is AWESOME. I love it very much. So much better than my old job.
I'm learning so much, I can cook so many different dishes now, I am quite impressed with myself.
Anyone wanna come for dinner? hehe.
The people are awesome too, it's so much more laid back than the Bell was and it's making me work better.
I'm taking pride in my work again and am so much happier =)

Twas my 24th birthday on Tuesday just past...I didn't do much...but I did treat myself to 2 nw lip piercings, say hello to my snakebites hehe:

^^ I'm not actully pouting there! My lip is so swollen that I look like i'm constantly pouting! it's getting embarrassing! =S
They'll look better when healed and I can put rings in them.

Me and my friend spent most of Tuesday in Cold Steel, it was so funny!
We went in & I arranged to go back an hour later for the appointment.
Went back and got pierced.
Then Janin decided she wanted her Tragus done so we went and arranged her appointment.
Went back for her appointment.
Then somehow the back came undone on my left piercing so I had to go back AGAIN for it to be fixed. Haha!
By the end Coz - the piercer was like "dude, if you want a job just say!"

He was well impressed with me as well haha, usually a double piercing takes 45 mins but he did mine in 15 cos i'm ace haha!
I didn't make a fuss at all, just let him do it, once it was done he was like "wow! That was perfect! You're perfect! PLEASE let me do all your future piercings! That never happens, that was amazing!" HAHA!! Once it was all done he made me go down to the main bit of the shop and show the other guys that work there! Was funny.

I have moooore to updat with but am so sleepy, will do it tomorrow....it's mainly about a date i have on thursday... =P

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 14:39:29 GMT

Got a message from Rhi on Myspace....and it was a nice one *shock*

Basically saying she wants to forgive and forget and for the hate to end...

So we've been messaging back and forth and sorting things out and actually having a laugh?

Possible reconcilliation on the cards?!

Last thing I ever expected, but it makes me smile =)

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 13:41:53 GMT

I've been feeling weird ever since I fainted the other day.

If i eat something then just after i've finished i get this horrible pain, like a really bad hunger pain, but i don't get it before i eat, only after.

And I felt faint again yesterday and my head was pounding =(

It's putting me off eating completely cos it really hurts but then if i don't eat i'll pass out again.

meh =(

I told Lisa and she went "you could be pregnant, I had that when I was pregnant with Aaron".

Yeah thanks Lis lol. I'm not, if I am it's a miracle lmao.

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 13:23:12 GMT

I've calmed down a bit from last night lol =)

I had a long hot bath, for some reason baths do wonders for my mood, i think its cos i find them relaxing or something. And the water was purple and had glitter and stars in it haha, yay for Lush bathbombs <3

I reeeally don't want to work today, I just wanna get out of there...only a few more shifts tho, thats what i keep telling myself!

I'm putting a little response for Rhi on my myspace:

"The fact that you still need to call me names makes it clear you'e not as over it as you make out.
And no matter what you call me, it doesn't change the fact that it still happened. There's nothing you can do about it and that kills you.
=) "

Hehe, i'm not putting her name in it but it's obviously aimed at her. I have some other stuff to add as well, I know it'll really get to her.

I know this makes me seem like a HUGE bitch and in some respects, yes, I am. But she has this coming. I don't let people talk shit about me =)

And she's not exactly the innocent party in all this.

I actually find it all amusing when in fact I was single when this happened, she and I weren't exactly best friends and it was Matt that started it by kissing me.

Yet he gets forgiven and i'm made out to be the bad person. Sure darling, whatever you say! Matt's a saint!

I'm bored =/

I have bad PMS today!

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 00:37:38 GMT

Been thinking a lot this evening and i've totally come to the conclusion that guys are just cunts really.

Even the ones that seem all lovely and stuff. They always end up being cunts.

I can't think of one that I know that hasn't been a cunt to me or my friends at some point *ponders*

I'm liking the word cunt today. You may have noticed lol.

I used to hate it and get offended by it but more and more lately it's been the only one strong enough to express my feelings toward people.

Raaaaaaah im in a right mood lol. Most probably cos i'm on and that always makes me a guy hater for a bit lol.

I just get so sick of setting myself up for disappointment again and again...What's the fucking point?

Nothing's happened recently btw, i was just thinking over everything in the past.

How it always starts with them being lovely and sweet, lulling you into a false sense of security, everything's nice for a bit but in due time they fuck you over somehow. It always happens. So what's the point in even bothering?

If I really like someone I put my heart and soul into a relationship, maybe that's where I go wrong? I give too much of me, but I can't be any other way, what's the point in doing something half heartedly? But then I expect the same back and never ever get it.

I feel like giving up and just being by myself forever, I think it would be best sometimes.

I get so angry with my friends as well when i see the shit they put themselves through for a guy.

It's like girls give their all to a guy and all he does is throw it back in her face and walks away.

Guys suck, they really do.

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 01:26:58 GMT

So yesterday I went to the Tate Modern and they had huge SLIDES! haha...in an art gallery?

We went on that smallest one first, i was like "pff, that's easy"

WRONG!

I have bruises and friction burns! Haha! It fucking hurt.

So I refused to go on any more =)

BUT a guy that works there forced me into it haha, he was like "your friend can't go on without you...if you deny her this you'll ruin her life and she'll never reach her full potential" etc etc, it was so funny so I gave in and went on =/

It wasn't so bad...but then went on to the 3rd level (2nd highest slide) I tried to back out but again was forced into it...it was kinda fun until i got to the end and nearly went flying off...I left my dignity somewhere on that slide lol.

And then...the best for the last....you see that really fucking high one? the one on the 5th floor?

Yeah, I went on that one and it was actually amazing haha! I was so dizzy after and the adrenaline rush was intense!

I'm going back before it gets removed on April 15th, if you can get there then GO it's so fun!

Just keep your elbows tucked in or you'll end up with elbows like mine haha, i can't even lean on my left one.

And I fainted at work today and my boss made me stay and finish my shift! I'm so glad i'm leaving next Thurs!